There have been a few times recently where I’ve started to feel that no-one else gets it. Logically I know it isn’t true but there’s no accounting for the wobbles a human brain is capable of having. As I write this my mood has improved considerably and I feel much less isolated, but I still think it’s worth talking about the time where I felt really lonely. That’s the only word I can use to describe it.
When you start a business lots of people give you advice, whether you want it or not. When I told people I was going to be self-employed I got lots of responses. Everything from a heartfelt good luck to ‘oh well, you can always go back to the law if it doesn’t work out.’ Of all the responses I got, no-one talked about loneliness.
Working on your own
Most weekdays I sit at a desk, on my own. Don’t speak to another living soul from 9 until 3, or sometimes later. It varies depending on when I’m picking the kids up that day. I’m frequently thankful for the school run. That sounds like madness, doesn’t it? For some people it means running the clique ridden gauntlet of the other parents who won’t speak to you. To me it’s the opportunity to see other humans that I didn’t marry or give birth to. The only downside is that most of them aren’t business owners either. They don’t understand what it’s like to be by yourself all the time.
Lonely at the top
Working on your own has its own challenges, but so does being the boss. I’ve spoken to more than one business owner who feels lonely, even when they’ve got a team of employees. It’s easy to feel isolated even when, or perhaps especially when you’ve got other people relying on you. The decisions all rest with you which means the stress does too.
I’ve no doubt that being in the middle of a crowd can feel even lonelier than being on your own, especially when that crowd are all looking to you for leadership. Even Margaret Thatcher admitted that being Prime Minister was a lonely job as you can’t lead from the crowd.
Social media is a double edged sword
Facebook has tried to improve its’ image recently by emphasising the ways the platform can build communities. I’ve found lots of groups that are useful to me in different ways, including a few business groups. They’re full of people who run businesses so should understand the challenges. Yet somehow, when I was feeling isolated, they didn’t do the trick. Every post I came across was from someone happy and positive, or who was having a major crisis. If I’d had a specific problem I wanted solving I probably could have asked a question to find a solution. Somehow ‘I’m feeling a bit down and I don’t know why’ felt ridiculous.
What really helped?
Two things really helped me to get out of the doldrums. Firstly, constructive time alone. Ironic, really. I realised that I felt lonely because all of the decisions are down to me and I really wanted someone else to tell me what to do. Then I remembered that I hate being told what to do. I spent a morning with my notepad and pen looking at the plan I made last year and what I need to do to implement it. My head felt much clearer after that.
I also went to my networking group. It helped, even though I didn’t talk about how I’d been feeling. Just spending time, in person, with women who understand the life put things into perspective. It also reminded me that I have a network out there when I need them.
If any of this resonates with you, please don’t suffer in silence. Seek support wherever you can, whether that’s from a friend, family member or somewhere else. The Samaritans offer 24/7 support, without judgment, to anyone who’s struggling. They’re on the end of the phone at 116 123 or online.
It’s easy to think of storytelling as being something you do with your children. You can cuddle up at the end of the day and send them off to sleep with a lovely bedtime story. Mine are still young enough to watch CBeebies so we sometimes get the added bonus of a tale read by Tom Hardy. (I even know people without kids who tune in to watch him anyway!) If that’s how you think of storytelling you might be forgiven for having dismissed it as an effective marketing tool. Actually, it’s one of the most effective approaches you can take.
I suppose the question should really be – are you bored of going to workshops that all blend into one? Or are you the person who’s responsible for organising them? It can be tough to find new ways to make learning more interesting. That applies whether you’re a sole trader looking for some good quality training or part of an organisation where there’s a set pattern to your sessions. When it comes to blogging training, it is possible to find workshops that work for you. I can design a session to include whatever works for you. In the meantime, here are some ideas for things to look out for at your next workshop.
What springs to mind when someone suggests you should write a blog? Do you think of all of those influencers that you see on Instagram getting wined and dined in return for a good review? Or maybe you think it’s something for professional writers or marketing agencies? It’s true that you can pay a professional to write your blog for you (me for instance). You could even do some blogger outreach to get product reviews or more social media exposure. But there’s absolutely nothing to stop you from writing your own blog if you want to. There are lots of misconceptions about blogging. I’m going to tell you about a few of them – are any of these getting in your way?
As some of you will already know, I run workshops and training to help business owners start writing their own blog. Things don’t always go to plan but that’s OK. Getting together with other business owners is generally a good thing in my book. I wanted to share a story (because that’s what I do) about how a workshop went a little bit wrong and still worked out brilliantly.
Are you a business owner or a writer? It’s completely possible to be both, especially if you have a writing or marketing based business. However for most people it’s one or the other. If you went into business to make a product or offer a service that’s nothing to do with writing, the idea of a workshop that focuses on writing blogs could seem like a complete nightmare. A room full of people picking your writing to bits? No thanks! Of course, there are services and workshops that are designed to provide critiques. They’re mostly for writers. Here’s why my workshops don’t.
Trying something new can be a bit scary. You hear all these people who say ‘what have you got to lose?’ and ‘you get more confident when you try scary things’. (
Do you need a blogging workshop? How do you begin to decide? How do you decide what training you need in your business? Or, to put it more accurately, how do you decide what you actually need when you’ve been bombarded with an endless stream of adverts and emails telling you why this course is the one you absolutely have to have. The minute you joined that Facebook group for small business owners or changed your employment profile to ‘self-employed’ or ‘owner’, your card was marked.
I’ve been to a few different conferences during my working life and they’ve all taught me something different. The biggest benefit is that I’ve become more discerning about the ones I attend. The drive to behave like a business owner and only invest where it’s warranted gets stronger every day. In terms of attitude I think I went from one extreme to the other – either ‘I mustn’t spend any money’ or ‘I’m going to spend everything I have spare – it’s probably worth it.’ I soon realised that ‘probably worth it’ didn’t cut it. Now I’m somewhere between the two. I have to consider whether it’s worth my time and the money I’m spending on it. So, here are a few of my conference experiences so you can think about what you get out of a conference – hopefully I’ll save you from making some of the mistakes I did.
I know, I know – brainstorming is such a corporate word you’re probably squirming already. However, I’m afraid to say that it’s the best I have for this particular subject. ‘Putting your heads together’ and ‘having a strategy session’ where you ‘think outside the box’ are equally bad as potential entries in buzzword bingo and ‘coming up with new ideas’ is just a bit pedestrian. I quite like brain dumping but that means something a bit different for me. So, what am I on about? If you aren’t already using brainstorming in your business it’s probably time to start. Call it whatever you like, it’s the perfect way to boost your business.