Tag: work life balance

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How you can refresh your wardrobe post lockdown

Hello August!  How can we be in August already?  It only seems five minutes ago we were in our duvet coats sitting in each other’s garden under a blanket to try and keep warm.  What a memory that was, desperate for some normality.   And now things are slowly getting back to normal.  I have mixed feelings about this, about going back into the ‘real’ world.  How about you – are you ready for it and excited to have your life back or are you nervous and don’t feel ready?  There’s not a right answer to this.  I guess we just need to prepare ourselves when we do feel 100% comfortable.

So it got me thinking – Is my wardrobe ready ?

So much has changed over the last year that I am using this time to CLEANSE my wardrobe.  I know work has changed as many of us are now working from home, therefore many of our wardrobe pieces no longer serves us.  Long gone are the suits we needed, instead we are opting for more comfy attire.  Not only is this comfortable to wear all day, but also helps with the extra pounds or three we have gained during lockdown.  Or is it just me?!

 There is nothing more satisfying than cleansing your wardrobe and having a good declutter.  August is a great month for this as we start to transition our wardrobe back to Autumn.

Not only is it good for your mental wellbeing (tidy house, tidy mind) but when you open it you won’t have that dreaded feeling of, ‘I’ve got nothing to wear!’ 

So my top tips are ….

  1. Remove everything out from your wardrobe and look at each item. 
  2. Ask yourself, Does it spark joy ?  Does it still fit? When will I wear it?
  3. Organise your clothes based on these 3 questions in to 3 separate piles

a KEEP pile, a DONATE (to friends or charity) pile  AND a  SELL pile.

  • Be ruthless, as a tidy wardrobe with items you love, is better than a crammed wardrobe you struggle to find anything in.
  • Think about your change of lifestyle and how this may have changed.  If you no longer require wearing suits consider selling them or donating them to a charity close to your heart.
  • When you put everything back in your wardrobe, anything hanging up place the hanger the opposite way.  When you wear a particular piece hang it back the correct way.  In 3-6 months you can see the clothes you wear lots as they will be hung correctly and the ones still hanging the other way you don’t wear often…maybe it’s time for a another cleanse in 6 months?

Now your wardrobe is looking less decluttered (and hopefully not too empty), it’s time to start dressing to make YOU happy.

Here are my  top tips to help make you look fabulous:

  1. Wear a pop of colour to lift your mood – wear a bright scarf, colourful Tee or a splash of a bright lipstick
  2. Update an older outfit with a statement necklace or a pair of statement earrings – remember jewellery always fits!
  3. Wear blazers for a smart yet casual look (don’t just save them for best!)  Team them with jeans or your favourite comfy trousers for an updated look.  Have a look at my collection of magic pants on my website – once you own a pair you will never look back!
  4. If you’d like your legs to appear longer and slimmer, wear heels!  I’m not sure I am ready for this challenge yet!  I am living in trainers at the moment!

Clothing should always make you look great, make you feel fabulous and give you confidence no matter the occasion, and I love helping woman achieve just that! 

I hope you enjoyed reading this blog and if I can help with any styling queries, style tips or help you find the perfect pieces for your wardrobe I’d love to hear from you.  I own a ladies online fashion boutique offering stylish and affordable clothing and accessories for the real woman.  I’d love you to be part of my facebook style community for the latest style drops, collections and offers – https://www.facebook.com/groups/lisalovesstylecommunity/

I can be contacted here too.

www.lisalovesstyle.com

hello@lisalovesstyle.com

FB – lisa.loves.style

IG lisa.loves.style

Thanks so much for reading this,

Stay Stylish,

Lisa x

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Top tips to help you identify and enforce strong and healthy boundaries

Many of us set up our own businesses so we can have more freedom and autonomy.  So we can dictate when and how we work, who we work for, how much money we earn and where we sped our time.  All this extra time we will have when there’s no boss dictating to us. 

Fast forward to being in the thick of running your own business and you wonder how you could have been so naïve!  Instead of just having your main role to do, you are now wearing ALL of the hats for your business – Accountant, Social Media Manager, Admin, Content Creator, Salesperson, Marketer to name just a few – leaving you with little very little of the headspace or freedom that you once imagined was part and parcel of being self employed. 

So how do you change that? 

One of the main ways is to get some clear boundaries in place.  Women tend to be people pleasers.  Most of my clients don’t want to let people down so take on too much and do everything for everyone else and actually let themselves down in the process. 

There’s lots of talk about setting healthy boundaries but what actually is a boundary? A boundary is an imaginary line that separates you from others and vice versa.  When you think of a physical boundary, it’s the image of a fence around a property to keep you safe inside and others from coming in.  But there is always a gate that swings both ways to allow ease and flow. 

These physical boundaries are clear for all to see but when we talk about emotional boundaries, they are much more difficult to recognise and enforce. 

But how do you go about recognising and setting boundaries when everything feels like it has a competing priority? 

Here are my top tips to identifying and enforcing strong and healthy boundaries 

  1. First of all, you need to identify what your boundaries are.  Boundaries are very unique to you as an individual so yours might be very different to your best friends’.  Spend some time (ideally a month so you can track it against your hormone cycle) noticing when someone has crossed your boundaries.  Blaming yourself, feelings of shame and guilt, justifying your behaviour, sensing that something is “off, using words like “should” are all signs that your boundaries are being crossed.  Make a note of when these situations occur, who you are with, time of day etc… It’s important not to judge these observations.  You are just collecting data to analyse. 
  2. When you have tracked these observations, take a look at what you have captured and look for any patterns.  Is there a certain day of the week or a particular activity you are carrying out or a certain person you are with etc… that triggers these uncomfortable feelings? 
  3. Name the emotion that you feel – angry, sad, frustrated.  When you do this, it detaches you from that emotion so that the feeling isn’t part of your identity, it is a feeling that will pass. 
  4. When you have identified any patterns and feelings that arise, explore what this means for you.  If it always happens with a certain client, is this someone you want to continue working with?  If it always happens at a certain time of the month, do you need to block time out of your calendar at that time in hour cycle for more self-nourishment?  
  5. When it comes to emotional boundaries, you need to make sure you communicate them.  This can be as simple as stating in your email signature or sending an automatic out of office that stipulates your working hours.  Make sure you stick to those hours.  If you have said you only respond between 9am – 5pm, be consistent with that message.  If you are catching up on work late at night, make sure you delay the delivery of your emails to the following morning at 9am so that people don’t expect you to be working late into the night. 
  6. For boundary setting on a more personal note, this can feel really vulnerable and scary so my advice is to start small.  Begin by communicating your boundarires to someone you know really well and feel comfortable with so it’s a safe space.  Eg this could be to your partner.  Let him or her know that they may see a change in your behaviour because you have realised that you need to set boundaries to protect your time / energy and health.  You don’t have to elaborate or explain further than that.  Just be clear that they will notice a change in you and invite them to help you stick to your new boundaries so it’s collaborative. 
  7. Invite and respect other people’s boundaries.  When collaborating, ask the other party what their boundaries are such as their working hours, what method of communication they prefer, what their non-negotiables are and share yours too from the outset.  This role models healthy boundaries for others too. 
  8. This will take practice so continually be on the look out for when boundaries are crossed as in point one above.  Be consistent and tweak your boundaries as they evolve.  They will change in new situations and different times in your life so make sure you make it a regular practice to notice and enforce healthy boundaries.  You will notice a positive change in your mental and physical wellbeing as a result and although tricky at first, will result in healthier relationships with less resentment and guilt. 

About Ellie

I’m a strengths & leadership coach based in South Manchester.  I’m a mum of 3 little hurricanes, wife, recovering perfectionist and introvert.

I was a coach before I even realised it.  People used to say how natural I was at developing others but didn’t really understand what that meant.  It turns out I have made a career out of it in various guises throughout my 15 years of leadership within large organisations.

I have combined my coaching skills with my passion for helping people thrive in their working life by setting up Elevate with Ellie in January 2021 where I specialise in helping small business owners get the best out of their people.

Here is where you can find out more about me:

www.elevatewithellie.co.uk

https://www.instagram.com/elevatewithellie

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellie-lloyd-jones-leadershipcoach

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Fight, Flight or Watch the Flames – A Mindful Approach to Stress

Guest blog from Jo Round about mindfulness and stress

Hi, I’m Jo Round, Mindfulness Teacher and guest blogger.  It’s taken me ages to decide on the subject area for this blog.  That’s not because I’m indecisive (at least I don’t think I am 😀) but because mindfulness is so far reaching, I could have gone down any one of many different paths.

In the end I chose stress because it’s something we can all relate to so I hope this blog will be helpful.  Also, if I look back to what I believe was the very start of my mindfulness journey, it would be an appointment with my GP when he told me I was stressed and his advice was to take my foot off the gas for a little while!  Hmmm!  Ironically, that sent me into an even greater tailspin.  But here I am writing a blog about it as a fully qualified Mindfulness Teacher, so I guess it all worked out in the end.

Let’s talk about stress!

Feeling stress is normal. It’s the body’s way of preparing us to deal with threatening situations (whether real or perceived).  You may have heard of the fight, flight or freeze response.  This is where the body detects a threat and releases hormones so we can either stand up and fight, run away or be still until the threat has gone, at which time the body stops pumping the hormones and returns to its resting state.

Our stress can come from many sources – the workplace, family issues, financial difficulties.  A little stress can be beneficial to get us through a challenging situation – a job interview, that presentation you’ve been working so hard on, even trying to buy your dream home.  It’s when the stress becomes so great, persistent and left unchecked, where our body doesn’t adequately return to its resting state, that stress becomes a problem.

Spotting the dangers

Most of us recognise the types of stress highlighted in the examples above.  But in the modern world, perhaps the greatest stressor is psychological – coming from our own thoughts and beliefs but so subtle that we don’t realise the negative impact on our wellbeing. Maybe we wish things were different to the way they are or the way we think they should be.  Our thoughts and projections about a situation can often cause us more stress than the actual situation itself.  We start to believe the negative thoughts in our head “I’m not good enough”, “what will people think”, “I don’t like this”, “why does this always happen to me?” – trust me, these thoughts are not you and they are not reality. Yet this type of stress can be constant, like being on a hamster wheel going round and round and preventing our body from returning to the resting state.  The stress continues to build until we start to feel it physically as well as mentally and simple tasks become too much to deal with.

How mindfulness can help

Like I said, stress is normal and we can’t make it go away – life just isn’t like that. But practicing mindfulness helps us to learn how to deal with stress so that it doesn’t have a detrimental effect on our wellbeing.  Imagine stress as a fire and every time we have a negative thought or wish things were different or get too caught up in our thinking, we’re adding fuel to the fire and it grows, burns and consumes until we’re quite literally burnt out.  In mindfulness we learn to spot the signs, we learn to step back and we learn to watch the fire, as though we were watching it on a TV.  We don’t get involved or pass any judgement or think too much about it, and in doing this, the fire dies down on its own and eventually it goes out.  Mindfulness isn’t about changing things; it’s about accepting things as they are.  When we can do this, things no longer take a hold and we can live our lives with much more calm, clarity and contentment.

If you’d like to find out more about mindfulness, courses or working with me, do pop along to my website www.likeacircle.co.uk or drop me a message through the contact form on the website.

And finally, thank you so much to Kirsty for allowing me to be a featured blog.

Stay mindful

Jo x

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Who’d be a business owning, Channel swimmer’s spouse?

Channel swimmer in action
Husband swimming the Channel – photo courtesy of James Spencer-Matthews

In case you’re reading that question and wondering what the answer is, well, it’s me. I would. You’ll hear lots of business gurus telling you that business success is all about you – how dedicated you are and how far you’re prepared to go outside your comfort zone to reach your goals. The truth is that it’s not always just about you. For me (and I’m guessing most of you) there are competing priorities. The people you love don’t revolve around you. They all have their own needs, ambitions and dreams that need to be recognised and included in your own plans.

Some of them are predictable, others not so much. Sometimes you have to shift things to let someone else live their dream. In my case, it came in the form of a Channel swimming husband.

The dream

My husband has been a swimmer all his life, but when I first met him, he mostly did it in nice warm swimming pools. Pre-kids I’d go along to some of the same training sessions, sticking to the slow lane while he zoomed along with the speedy people in the fast lane. I can’t say for certain when the Channel swimming dream was first mentioned, but his open water career started a long time ago. We used to travel to grand prix swims around the country at weekends. They were mostly good fun, apart from the Scarborough swim where it rained so heavily that the spectators got wetter than the swimmers did.

Somewhere along the way, the Channel started being mentioned. Then it got serious.

Channel swimmer training

It won’t surprise you to learn that Channel swimmers need lots of training, and not just on endurance and technique. You’re not allowed to wear a wetsuit, so you train to withstand the cold. You also need to sort your head out. Most people who pull out will do so because their brain told them they couldn’t do it.

Obviously, there’s lots of swimming in cold water. This is sometimes lovely – there’s a lake up the road from us where the whole family can go along. However, a swimmer’s need to train with other Channel swimmers means living with a man who disappears off to Dover for the weekend, or to a training camp in Croatia. I admire single parents generally, but never more so than during those weeks.

The stress

You might think that most of the stress of being a Channel swimmer’s wife is in the juggling. It isn’t really. He’s training for his third swim at the moment, so I’m mostly used to it. (Oh yes, did I mention that being a Channel swimmer is addictive? He keeps saying things like ‘five is a nice round number’.) The real stress comes when someone you love is swimming through a shipping lane. My logical brain knows that his support boat has a professional crew and two of his friends looking out for him. I reassure myself with the statistic that there have only been ten Channel swimming fatalities since 1926. Yet I still don’t breathe easily until he’s on dry land.

I know that most of you probably don’t have a Channel swimmer in the family. That’s not why I’m telling you this story. It’s because we all have things that we juggle and I wanted to you know that I get that. If you’d like to work with a writer who knows how life works for you and will help you tell that story to your own customers, get in touch and let’s have a chat.

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How I got bitten by the writing bug

Typewriter with writing saying 'something worth reading'
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood via Pexels

I’m one of those people who always wanted to be a writer, even if it wasn’t always the only thing I did. I’ve shared the story behind leaving my old career and starting a new one before, but I’ve never really talked about the reasons I started writing in the first place. It’s been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember. Here’s how it all began.

Surrounded by books

My mum always jokes that I had a library before I was born. It’s pretty close to the truth. My grandpa worked for Brockhampton Press, which was the children’s book division of Hodder and Stoughton at the time. They published classics like Asterix and The Magic Roundabout, with Papa being responsible for book fairs. One of my favourite stories is the one where he got pulled over by the police pulling a Roman chariot up to Harrogate. He wasn’t in trouble, they just wanted to know why. His job meant that I grew up surrounded by books. What’s more, I knew from an early age that being a writer was something you could do for a living. It left a lasting impression.

Creating my own stories

I know that we all have to write stories at school, but I was the kid that just kept going. As a teenager I filled endless notebooks and devoured books to learn more about how to create a good plot. Whenever I had to wait somewhere or spent time on a train my notebook came out as a form of entertainment. I was once on a train, mid-story, when I ran out of paper and ended up finishing my tale on the back of a sandwich bag. Some of the stories were good – I was shortlisted for a prize for young radio playwrights a couple of times. Others were dreadful, simply because they were too simplistic. It was time for a change.

Finding something else to do

The main problem with my teenage writing was the problem every teenager has – I just hadn’t lived long enough. I loved crime fiction and came up with plots that needed to be populated with believable characters. The best crime writing is born out of a solid grasp of human nature and the ways in which relationships can go wrong. I just didn’t have it. I realised that to become a good writer I needed to go out into the world and get some experience. That’s what eventually lead me into a legal career. Ironically, the thing that first attracted me to the law was the fact that there were so many good stories in it. Obviously, there was also crime, although that’s not where I ended up working.

Coming back to writing

As the years passed, I told myself that I wanted to write but I was spending less and less time actually writing. Then I heard an interview with P.D. James, who wrote her books around a full-time job and raising three children alone after her husband’s death. When asked why she had continued with her writing, she replied that if she had found herself telling her that ‘what I always wanted to do was write’, she would have felt that her life had failed in a very important way. Her answer has stayed with me because I feel the same. I realised that if I was going to write I just had to get on and do it. So that’s what I do now.

Can I help you to share your story in your marketing? Book your call here and let’s have a chat. Alternatively, you can sign up to my mailing list for blogging and marketing tips straight to your inbox every month.

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Are you getting back into work mode?

Getting back to work mode
Photo by ThisIsEngineering from Pexels

Like a lot of you, I’m a Mum who has had her kids at home for the last couple of months. The last period of home school (if you can really call it that) taught me a lot. It meant that I felt a bit more prepared for the day-to-day reality. I’m not going to say that it was easy, because it wasn’t. There were a whole lot of days where the kids cried and I joined in. Sometimes it was even the other way round. Or I cried and they wandered off to play because they hate handwriting practice and geography is some form of torture. We got through it. What’s surprised me is how much I’m struggling with the back to school bit. Not because I don’t think they should be there, I do. It’s just been different and that’s what’s inspired this blog. If any of this resonates (or if you’ve got any advice) please leave a comment and let me know.

The schedule shift

Home learning meant that my working day started at 3.30ish and had shrunk down to a couple of hours. I thought that shifting back to my previous work pattern would be easy. The start of the day was fine. I made a cup of tea and turned on my laptop as I always have. That wasn’t the issue. It was the afternoons. A full working day suddenly felt too much. It was as if my brain had turned into a sulky teenager. I couldn’t work out why it had been easy to readjust last time but not now. Then it clicked.

I’ve been thrown in at the deep end

Last time the kids went back to school it was much more gradual. The phased return that applied to younger kids first meant that my youngest was the only one who went back before the summer holidays. It wasn’t an all or nothing situation where everything had gone back to normal. Then the summer holidays started as usual. By the time that school fully reopened for the Autumn term, it felt more like normal school. Somehow it meant that I could get back to work more easily. It made the difference between then and now so much harder to understand.

Procrastination

The strange this about this return to school is the sense of anticipation that came with it. I kept hearing that this would be it. There was no way they’d close the schools again (although I heard plenty of muttering to the contrary). It was a sign that life was getting back to normal. I don’t know why, but I felt as if I’d be able to leap back into work and everything would be as it was before. It wasn’t. Having shorter day had focused my mind. A full day found me procrastinating, unable to decide what needed to happen first.

How I’m dealing with it

I wish I could tell you that I’m back to full strength and have turned into a goal hitting dynamo. I haven’t. As I write this, I’ve just completed a bit of planning that would normally have taken me an hour. My lack of focus turned it into three afternoons of dragging myself back to my notebook. I’m getting there though. There’s a plan and my priorities are putting themselves into order. I’m gradually building my work muscles back up (just in time for the Easter holidays!). Plus, if I need a break, I take one. Even if it means a two-hour lunch break.

Are you getting back into work mode? How’s it going? Let me know in the comments!

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Why you need a Lasting Power of Attorney

Guest blog on Lasting Power of Attorney - Westcotes Wills

I listened to Money Box on Radio 4 last week and they were talking about lasting power of attorney documents.  Professionally I draft these documents (along with wills) so I know how invaluable these can be.  What struck me the most was the lack of publicity power of attorney documents get compared to a will. They are just as important and for many people even more so than a will! So, this year I am making it my mission to spread the word.    

Why should lasting power of attorney documents matter to me?

One family had to raise money through crowdfunding to a pay their mum’s day to day household bills as they couldn’t access her bank account.  Their mum wasn’t old, she was in her 50’s.  I am in my early 40’s now and 50 doesn’t seem so old as is once did.  It was utterly heart-breaking listening to the lady speak about her situation.  It also got me thinking back to one of my former colleagues, who in their mid-twenties seriously injured himself from diving into a shallow swimming pool whilst on holiday. He was in hospital and rehab for a long time.  It took his family over 10 months to be able to manage his finances.  Is this what you would want for your family?

You are never too young for a lasting power of attorney!

I don’t think any of us feel we would need a power of attorney in our 20’s, 30’s or 40’s.  But people do, accident and illness happen.  Rent, mortgages and household bills must be paid whether you live in on your own or you’re in a shared household with friends or family. 

It will be ok, my family can help me. 

No, if you become ill or unable to manage your own affairs the banks and building societies first duty is to protect the vulnerable person.  Joint and single name accounts can and will be frozen. 

Just because you live with someone, or are related to someone, or have a joint account with someone does not give you the legal right to manage their finances.  The journalist and GMB presenter Kate Garroway has spoken about the difficulties she has had with her family finances in the last year.  Her husband is still seriously ill in hospital with the after effects of COVID-19.  She had no power of attorney in place.  I am not sure she will have had her deputy order through yet either!  

It’s ok they can just apply for a Deputy Order if they need to.

Yes, families can apply to the courts for a deputy order to manage a loved one’s finances but it is more expensive (more than double and have on going costs), time consuming (9 to 12 months +) and stressful (4 forms not 1).   

Deputy orders are not as flexible as a power of attorney and often a deputy will have to re-apply to the court to carry out a particular course of action (e.g. house sale) where as an attorney can just get on with managing the finances and assets without having the extra cost and hassle.  A deputy must pay recurring fees for ongoing supervision, where as an attorney doesn’t.  The cost of all these fees come from the finances of the person they are supporting. 

It’s easy to put off because you think it might be hard or you just don’t know where to start.  There are a lot of good resources available on the internet and the government website www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney is a great starting point.  You can draft the documents yourself or if you don’t have the time, energy or inclination there are people like myself who do it on a professional basis. 

If you have a question no matter how small on this then give me a call 07920 061946.    Let’s make sure it’s not your family having to crowdfund to keep the roof over their heads. 

Kirsty’s note

Rosie O’Hanlon-Hills is the owner of Westcotes Wills, helping to make life easier for you and your family by drafting wills and lasting power of attorney documents you can all understand.

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How I learned to be honest with my clients

How I learned to speak out and be honest.
Photo by Andre Furtado from Pexels

Starting out in business is a huge adventure. I was so excited that I’d finally get to work on my own terms and write for a living. After a while I realised that, while things were going well, I felt as if I was wearing a mask that didn’t fit. When I was a lawyer I started working part time after my children were born and I did the same in my business. But somehow, the way I talked about my boundaries had changed. As a paid employee I had no issue with saying “I don’t work on Fridays” but somehow I couldn’t be that honest as a business owner. It was as if I had to deny that my children had any impact on my working life. I felt as if I wouldn’t be taken seriously if I was a part-timer. Here’s what changed things.

Realising that my clients were parents too

When I started my business I expected to work with people who’d appreciate the expertise I’d developed in my legal career. I understood how lawyers and insurers think and knew how to translate that into language their clients would understand. As it turned out, that isn’t what my clients have in common. I certainly work with people who work in insurance and law, as well as loads of other types of business. A lot of them are sole traders. Even more are parents and that’s how the penny dropped. They chose to work with me because I understand the juggle. My client calls typically start with a chat about the family before we get down to business. If a wheel falls off somewhere we both know we can be open and honest about it. It makes for much better relationships all round.

Needing to practice what I preach

The next thing I realised was that I was writing content telling people that they needed to be themselves in their marketing. Sometimes the thing that makes a new client choose you over someone else offering the same thing is, well, you. I once asked a client for some feedback to help me understand what they valued and what they thought my strengths were. In response to the strengths question they put “your personality – show more of it!”  That was ages ago but it’s stayed with me. I realised that while I’d relaxed a lot I was still afraid to show my full, slightly geeky, personality. It’s still a work in progress but I think I’m getting there. The main thing I learned was that I couldn’t ask my clients to come out of their shell if I didn’t do it myself.

Making honest connections

One of my favourite things about this job is learning new stuff. I’ve thought about focusing on one sector a few times but it never lasts. If you get a gathering of copywriters the conversation will often turn to the weirdest thing you’ve ever written about, or the most boring, or just the things you never expected to learn about.

Of course, when it comes to finding the right clients, that’s not the only important thing. I’ve wondered whether I needed to actively like my clients, but I don’t think I do. (Although it would be a problem if I really couldn’t stand them.) If I’m going to write in your voice, we need to have a rapport. That’s definitely not going to happen if we can’t be honest with each other about who we are and what’s happening in our lives.

Do you need some help telling an honest story in your marketing? Book a no-obligation call and let’s have a chat. Alternatively, you can sign up to my mailing list for hints and tips to your inbox every month.

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Why I’m thrilled we’re going back to school

A thrilled mum whose kids have gone back to school.

Lockdown has brought challenges for all of us. It’s made us more aware of what we actually need in our lives. Everyone’s experience is different. You might have struggled with isolation, or you could have the opposite problem. One of the strangest things for me, as someone who’s used to working at home on my own, was the sudden invasion of the rest of my family. In fact, I’m still sharing the office with my husband. The biggest challenge of all was home schooling. I’m not sure I can actually call it that if I’m being totally honest. I don’t know if my kids learned anything from me. It’s been a tough time and I’m absolutely thrilled that my two have gone back to school. This is why.

Mental health

The thought of schools closing sent me into a blind panic. My work relies on peace and quiet, especially when I’m getting into a new project. I made a plan of things I could do at the kitchen table while the kids got on with some work, thinking I could organise my way out of it.

I couldn’t.

The one thing I didn’t take into account was how much time I would spend supporting my anxious children. Sometimes they’d cry. Other times they’d just hide in their bedrooms or spend an hour and a half procrastinating over a five minute task. The truth is, they were sinking. Home and school don’t normally overlap this much. Home is a safe place where they get to play. It isn’t me handing out handwriting practice. My youngest went back to school for three weeks at the end of term and he was like a different child. Even though school was different, he thrived on regaining some sense of normality.

Mum guilt

Guilt is a familiar concept to pretty much any working mum. Everyone’s coped (or not) in their own way. I’ve spoken to plenty of business owners who have basically ignored their kids. School work generally depends on the child accessing what school have sent without much supervision. I felt as if I was doing a half-arsed job on everything.

Some of my friends talked about what a privilege it was having their children at home so they can teach them. That made me feel even worse. There have been some silver linings, but mainly I just wanted my happy, clever kids back. I couldn’t deal with my own thoughts and stresses about the situation. How do you support the people you love the most if you can’t even function yourself?

A functioning business

I’ve been lucky. We’re a self-employed household but my husband’s work has continued from home. We’ve had to make decisions based on finances but we’ve never been at risk of homelessness. There’s also the fact that lots of my clients went quiet just when I needed them to. The projects that they might have called me about were put on hold. It might have been a struggle financially, but at least it’s given me the time to focus on the things that really needed my attention.

Now the country’s opening up, I’ve started to get busier. There have been a few mornings where I’ve abandoned the kids to the TV. It’s been the only way to keep things going. Cue more mum guilt. Going back to school means that they’re spending the day with people who are there to take care of them. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling massively relieved about that.

I’m telling you this story because I know I’m not alone in having these struggles. My clients have them too. Talking about the things you share with your customers helps you to build trust. If I can help you find the right story, please get in touch. I speak your customers’ language.  

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Why I’m not buying into hustle culture

Hustle culture causes stress
Photo from energepic.com via Pexels

I used to follow lots of business gurus who talked about ‘hustle’. They’d mention their families but the main thrust of their advice was that you needed to work, work then work some more until you’d ‘made it’. I never really saw much about what life would look like when you’d made it, or indeed whether there was an actual definition. The overall idea seemed to be that you shouldn’t take a holiday or even a day off until you’d got to the top. Hustle culture was everywhere. Even the people who had kids talked about the importance of balance but seemed to spend their evenings and weekends working. Of course, I don’t know what was happening behind the scenes. Everything I saw about these people was based on what they put on social media. All the same, it played on my mind. Did I really need to subscribe to hustle culture to have a successful business?

What’s my problem?

When I say I’m not buying into the hustle, that doesn’t mean I believe in slacking. Working hard is part of building a successful business. I think my issue is that hustle seems to go beyond that. It’s not just hard work. I’ve seen people talk about not sleeping or never taking a day off. As someone with two small children I know that not getting enough sleep is a form of slow torture. There’s no way I’m doing it voluntarily. There might be times that you need to work silly hours to get something done, but it’s not sustainable long term.

I knew that I needed to create my own definition of success and mark my own boundaries if I was going to get anywhere.

Defining success

I see a lot of people online talking about earning 6 or 7 figures. That might be meaningful to some, but not me. Not that I’m longing to live in a cave or anything. I’d just rather make enough to have a nice life, quality time with the family and a few decent holidays. If that means I don’t get to be a millionaire that’s OK.

When it comes to role models I take social media posts with a pinch of salt and talk to people I actually know. The main thing I discovered is that everyone has different boundaries. The important thing is to look at how you want to spend your time and how that translates to reaching your goals.

Accountability

I sometimes wonder whether ‘hustle’ is some people’s method of keeping themselves accountable. If you haven’t worked an 18 hour day you haven’t done enough. The truth is, you don’t have to hustle to set goals and get results. If I don’t take time off I get exhausted and make bad decisions. My holidays don’t just give me family time, they provide brain space too. Looking at the world from a different angle gives me new ideas for normal life.

I also have an amazing coaching group where we commit to take action and report back. That action can even include identifying times when we need to rest so we live to fight another day. That’s the kind of accountability that gets you where you need to go.

Why am I telling you this? Because I know that a lot of you struggle with it. My business isn’t just about writing. It’s about sharing the stories that mean something to you. If you need help speaking your customers’ language and finding the stories that are important to them, just get in touch.